A Deep Breath of Fresh Clarity - Our Ego's Deepest Need- Appreciation Part 2

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Here is the basic thought that the Ego loves to attach to- see if it sounds familiar:
- "My__________ (parents, husband, wife, boss, friend, partner) doesn't really appreciate me or understand me." So the search continues.

Here's the truth- No one else outside of your Spirit and God can ever really appreciate and understand you, which is precisely why you feel like they never do!

Now there are many happy marriages where the spouses do love and appreciate each other- and I highly recommend doing so because it makes for a great marriage. But the problem that many don't see is that because they are currently receiving love and appreciation from someone outside themselves, they still don't bother to get it from inside themselves- from the only insatiable and permanent source- their own Spirits and by literal extension, God. So when the stresses of life come as they do (because we believe and don't investigate stressful thoughts- but that is another topic), the love and appreciation received from the other person may fade or disappear temporarily and there we go again- the searching outside continues.

So, how do we stop the endless seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth? We simply awake to the reality of life that hopefully this post has helped accomplish. Once we understand what's really going on here, we can start to give our Ego the love and appreciation it so craves, while at the same time giving it loving guidance and leadership it also craves.

I like to think of the Ego as a child- a VERY INTELLIGENT CHILD, but a child nonetheless. What do children need? 1)Safety/Security, 2)Love and Appreciation and 3) Coaching/Leadership/Boundaries. The Ego is no different. In fact it is the reason that children need those things- because it is really the Ego needing those things- and it doesn't stop needing those things just because the body has matured from the childhood stage.

So here is what I find works. Throughout the day, notice a little more all the amazing things your Ego does for you. For starters, it completely runs the inconceivably complex processes of maintaining your body in good health and healing it when not in good health. So when I wake up in the morning, I (my Spirit) say to myself (my Ego) something like this:

"Thank you for a good night’s sleep- I get to just sleep and you've been busy all night digesting food, dividing cells, filtering blood, cleansing the body of contaminates, circulating air, blood, and energy, restoring and healing damaged parts and reinvigorating my energy. What would I ever do without you? I would be dead that's what! So thanks again, I really appreciate everything you do for me!"

As you go through the day, just have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything your Ego does for you. When you go to the bathroom, "Thank you for knowing exactly what to keep and what to get rid of to keep this body healthy." When you eat a meal "Thank you for knowing exactly how to turn this meal into what the body needs."

When you notice the ego seeking love and appreciation outside of yourself (remember the ego is the domain of the automatic and habitual), gently remind it that it's seeking where it cannot find. For example, when a spouse says something cranky, rude or selfish, instead of reacting on autopilot ("no love and appreciation there- keep searching elsewhere") just say something like:

"Ooops, searching again where you can't find. That's just their Ego going on autopilot and reacting to their perceived stress. You know what that's like don't you. Besides, you've already got the REAL DEAL from me- your Spirit. Just let that comment go- it has no life of its own unless you give it life by believing it. Let me (your Spirit) share with them (their Ego) the love and appreciation it craves until they can find their own inexhaustible source inside themselves just like you have."

I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. This is a lifelong process of improvement, I don't claim to be a master and to never let my Ego go searching outside. But at least I am more awake to what's going on and can notice it happening which is a big change from not being aware, not noticing, and being on full reactionary auto-pilot.

John Groberg writes on a wide variety of topics related to personal and spiritual growth. His slogan is Grow. By Choice™. His articles draw out principles of personal and spiritual growth common to the world’s ancient wisdom and spiritual texts as well as many of the great philosophers, poets, and writers of ancient and modern times. These principles are then put to the test in his own life with an emphasis on simple, sustainable practices we can apply in our daily lives to more effectively deal with the stresses and struggles of modern life and to more fully realize the benefits of deliberate growth. John developed a model called the Divine-Align-Shine model as a way of visually organizing the principles, practices and the overall process of personal and spiritual growth. His writings are cataloged and organized on his website, www.johngroberg.com where contact information is available.